Microsoft now bribing you to use their search

Microsoft are so desperate to get a piece of the Google search pie that they are resorting to bribery again! Yes, in a repeat of their UK Big Snap campaign from February 2008, they have launched Big Snap Search II, in which you can possibly (not) win some prizes in the form of - TA-DAAA, some John Lewis coupons - nice!

What's the catch? Well, for a chance to match two different-valued coupons and win the prize, you have to, wait for it, USE Live Search TO SEARCH FOR SOMETHING!

Now come on, what do they take us for...? If they think we're going to fall for that...

Still, if you really want those coupons and you are furiously typing random search terms into the search field as we speak, think about the possibility that it is on some kind of timer and totally disregards the actual quantity of searches made.

As for dislodging the big G with the help of bribery, it just ain't gonna work, Google has it sewn up, end of story. Anyway, Live Search has hardly even indexed The StoreMinator yet - it can't be much good.

Hmmm, still, John Lewis you say... Might as well have ONE more try...

Commodore UMMD 8010 Netbook - paper clip included!

The amazing success of the netbook format of notebook computer has prompted a venerable industry name to jump on the bandwagon - no less than Commodore itself!

Though Commodore today has little in common with the company that produced the almighty C64, as well as the VIC20, C128 and later of course, the Amiga, it is thought that new Commodore UMMD 8010 netbook, announced at the IFA Show in Berlin, will make more than just a tip of the hat to its worthy ancestor.

Some of the features the Commodore netbook is thought to include are as follows:

- Commodore Basic installed as standard
- paper clip-based reset (paper clip included as standard)
- cassette tape-based storage for full backwards compatibility
- optional external floppy drive (release delayed due to size issues)
- prominently-displayed Commodore C= logo
- lovely brown keyboard with completely pointless Restore button
- free copy of Monty on the Run
- television modulator as standard (no built-in screen necessary)

Commodore are convinced that their new netbook will combine the best of the old school of computing with the latest technology for superior performance (largely through the simple device of omitting Vista) and will poise Commodore to become a household name once again.

Sure-fire defense against identity theft - LEARN TO READ!

As yet another request to urgently verify my bank details online lands in my inbox (funny, I didn't know I had an account in the National Credit Union) I have got to thinking about the issue of protection against online fraudsters and the whole question of literacy.

Computer literacy
I know that my calls for compulsory netiquette and basic Internet and literacy training for new computer users will fall on the ears of the largely-converted, so it's scarcely worth bothering. But just in case it saves at least one person from being defrauded online, I will take the time to say this: "Banks DO NOT EVER ask you to 'verify' your details online". If you ever get an email requesting you to do so, supposedly as a result of some "Unusual activity" (sounds ominous, right?), no matter how persuasive it may sound, DO NOT follow the link or obey the instructions. This is almost certainly an attempt (known as "phishing") to steal your personal details and probably defraud you of the contents of your bank account. Ring your bank instead.

General literacy
But an even more basic form of defense would be simply to improve our literacy in the English language. Most of these phishing attempts are made by barely-literate low-life criminals, or non-native speakers and the emails that they send usually abound in mistakes. If our literacy was generally better, we would far more readily spot fraud attempts when they arrive in our inboxes (your real bank wouldn't send a badly-worded, mispelled letter to its customer, right?)!

Let's take a recent example:

Dear Credit Union member,
You have received this email because you or someone had used your account from different locations.

"someone HAD used..."? Surely "has"? No time for grammar lessons here, a native speaker would never say that.

For security purpose, we are required to open an investigation into this matter.

Don't they mean "...for security purposeS.."?

In order to safeguard your account, we require that you confirm your online banking details.

The help speeed up to this process, please access the following link...

Do what? If you don't see anything wrong with this last sentence, go back and read it again.

The problem is partly that we are too panicked by the possibility of some "unusual activity" connected with our precious account to notice the glaring mistakes.

But the problem is also one of basic literacy - we just don't notice mistakes because our eyes are not trained by quality reading.

So if you want to avoid getting defrauded online, the answer is READ MORE!