"A unique, wry and often satirical look at the Internet, the modern age and life in general" (there is way too much search-engine competition for the phrase "incoherent ramblings")

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Justin Biebers phone number

Do you have a daughter aged around 12? Do you know that at this very moment, she is feverishly engaged in one single task, to the exclusion of all others?

That task is the attempt to discover Justin Bieber's phone number.

Evidence of this can be found on Yahoo Answers, where questions relating to "Justin Biebers phone number" appear with a frequency which can only be described as torrential.

Furthermore, though, and perhaps this is cause for even greater concern, do you know that your daughter has no idea how to use the apostrophe followed by 's' to denote possession?

I would be concerned: whatever it is that Justin Bieber is dispensing to the lucky few adolescent girls who have come by his phone number, I very much doubt that it is free grammar advice.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Social networking defined

Well, Facebook has well and truly trounced MySpace and vindicated my long-held belief and carefully researched position that Facebook is better than MySpace.

Isn't Facebook great?!

You can form an instant relationship with someone you met minutes ago and gain an instant insight into their every thought, every photographed moment of their lives, every friend they have, and feel as though you have known them for years.

You can connect up with people you went to school with, with whom you had lost touch decades ago, but whom you no doubt would surely have maintained a close friendship with had you not forgotten they existed the minute you walked out the door on the last day of your final year.

You can "leverage" your social connections for thinly-veiled attempts to sell people things - perhaps your latest affiliate marketing venture, or your sorry "satirical Internet blog".

I have been gradually forming an all-encompassing definition of social networking. Perhaps it still needs some work but I think I am getting there:

ahem... *clears throat*

Social networking is a technology facilitating superficial relationships with the largest possible number of people.

Still needs work, any suggestions welcome. Oh, and no, you can't be my friend on Facebook. Unless you already are...

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

What's on my mind? What's on my mind?

What's on my mind? What's on my mind? Gah... I don't know - wait, let me think... oh, I've blocked up, I'm sure there was something...

I mean, what's with Facebook? You knew where you were with "What are you doing?", or just plain old "status" - now they want a period of deep self-examination before you change your status. I can imagine men the world over, a cold chill running down their spine - "Oh no, they want to know what I'm thinking - where've I heard that before?" Well, I'm just not sure I'm ready to lay my soul bare on Facebook.

Two cynical theories:

1) Twitter - nuff said

2) They figured that they could target more keyword-based advertising that way, because if they know you're thinking about shopping, well, the sky's the limit...

So please, before you reveal your innermost thoughts to the world at large - THINK!